Hebrews 13:5 KJV 5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
I used to wonder where God was while I was suffering. It seemed to me He was no where to be found. I thought, when I ask Jesus into my heart and I followed all the rules He would fix my life and make it better. That was what I was told anyway. So, I became the good little Christian who did her job of following the rules. But God did not do what I believed was His part. That is He did not change my hurtful circumstances. As a matter of fact they became worse. So, in my thinking, since He is the one who allows pain into our lives, He was being cruel and mean to me.
I struggled with my relationship with God for some time. I struggled for many reasons but the main reason was my thinking was wrong and I had to accept that. The where is God question is really what is God doing inside of me. I saw;
Hebrews 11:6 KJV But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him
God was not pleased with my prayer praying, or rule keeping because they were not born out of faith that he is good, and a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. They were a faithless and fruitless attempt to manipulate God to make my life all better.
Hebrews 11:1 KJV Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
God was right there with me but I did not have faith in what I did not see. It is not that what I was experiencing wasn’t real but it was that I was not looking at my situation through God’s eyes. I did not see God as loving and good. I did not see I needed to exercise self-discipline and fight for my faith. I was pushed by what I saw visibly and how I felt about it. I definitely did not see that God was not only working my life but in the life of the person causing the pain. Correct biblical teaching lead me to take the first step, which was to repent and ask God to help me because my thinking was in direct opposition to what He says. This is when change began to take place. No, not in my circumstances but changes in my soul. It was the beginning of the renewing of my mind. Once we grasp God is for us and not against us we will begin to see things as God sees them (Romans 8:26-39).
When I surrendered my will to God that I will have faith he is good, my circumstances no longer looked hopeless, and my suffering was not pointless. Faith allowed me to begin to see how God had shown love in my past (Romans 8:28). Now believing that God is cruel is no longer an option, however believing that God is good is an ongoing battle. When I have difficult circumstances and I cannot see God at work, I remember those times, stay in His word, ask him to help me to have faith that he is at work, and believe he is good.
Psalm 145:5 KJV I will speak of the glorious honour of thy majesty, and of thy wondrous works. 6 And men shall speak of the might of thy terrible acts: and I will declare thy greatness. 7 They shall abundantly utter the memory of thy great goodness, and shall sing of thy righteousness.